Why Can INFJs Be So Annoying?! (8 Striking Reasons You Will Recognize) (An INFJ Roast)

Jul 17, 2022

Being one of the most popular Myers-Briggs personality types, also attracts an audience of haters.

The INFJ is one of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types, making up roughly 1-2 percent of the population. “INFJ” is an acronym which stands for Introversion (I), Intuition (N), Feeling (F) and Judging (J).

These four core characteristics describe the cognitive functions INFJs use the most to navigate through life.

The INFJ traits are revered and considered almost supernatural by many.

Yet, a number of people find some of the INFJ’s qualities and habits very annoying! (As an INFJ male myself, my family could testify!)

Curious what type of INFJ behavior drives others crazy? Let’s dive in!

8 Striking Reasons Why INFJs Can Be So Annoying! (An INFJ Roast)

1. INFJs can be annoying, because they rarely ask for help

Did you notice that INFJs always seem okay?

Well, allegedly.. Nevertheless, they have a tendency to rarely ask for help, if at all.

Despite the INFJ's propensity to be the counselor that offers helpful advice, insight and support to their social circle, INFJs tend to become uneasy when it’s actually their time to spend some time on the metaphorical therapist’s sofa.

INFJs always want to help out their friends and family and preach how important it is that their loved ones seek appropriate help when in need.

Yet, INFJs don’t seek out help when in need nor do they like to accept help that’s being offered.

They think they should fix everything by themselves and fear they are seen as weak, incompetent, a burden or that nobody is able to help them.

The irony right?

Many experience the INFJ as annoying, due to this double standard, because it doesn’t make any sense.

Furthermore, an INFJ’s friend might be annoyed to see their INFJ friend struggle for a long time with something they obviously need help with, but stubbornly rejects the countless offers of support!

Do they think they are beyond help perhaps?!

Or that their problems are so complex no mere mortal is capable of any assistance?

Such annoying arrogance if that’s truly the case, because this hyper-independence gets old really quickly.

It might just be an old lingering coping mechanism, because there’s evidence that hyper-independence has its origins in childhood trauma.

2. INFJs can be annoying, because they may have difficulty articulating their thoughts and feelings out loud

It’s one thing to be an incubator of fresh ideas and interesting creative perspectives.

It’s another to actually convey those thoughts and feelings in such a way that others understand exactly what your idiosyncratic thinking means.

In the mind’s eye of the INFJ, their personal theories, perspectives, images, thoughts, feelings and how they all possibly interconnect may be very apparent.

However, to someone on the outside, that internal mental world is completely invisible and incomprehensible, unless it’s adequately articulated. Herein lies the challenge.

Since a good number of those thoughts, feelings and intuitive perspectives of the INFJ can be abstract, complex, elusive and abstruse, it can be hard for them to articulate those in a precise and comprehensible manner.

This can be annoying to anyone who’s in conversation with the INFJ, because those people would need to remain patient as the INFJ takes a lot of time stumbling, mumbling and stuttering away while trying to formulate their ideas.

Now a good friend won’t have a huge problem with it, but to a stranger it can be time consuming, annoying and downright confusing.

Perhaps, the INFJ’s difficulty to articulate some of their ideas has to do with that a significant amount of INFJs think in pictures, next to words.

Perhaps, translating imagery into words is a taxing mental task and very time consuming.

Now, they say a picture says more than a 1000 words.

So if you had to describe a few interesting pictures concisely. Where would you even begin?

3. INFJs can be annoying, because they obsess over unlikely worst case scenarios

It is known that INFJs analyze each situation from ten different angles and that their imaginative prowess is a strong one.

It seems that their creativity is such a fundamental trait that it tends to be all pervasive.

Meaning that their creativity not only shows up in that specific domain where they would find it most useful, like in their work or when solving life’s big problems.

No! Unfortunately, the INFJ’s creativity also manifests in their self-criticism, depressive and anxious thoughts about the future.

They tend to be great at thinking of the most peculiar worst case scenarios in whatever situation and obsess over them as if they were likely to happen!

Photo by Lize Summer on Pexels

An example could be, that the INFJ lives in an apartment on the fifth floor (top floor), but is insistent on locking the balcony door, because they think burglars might climb to their balcony all the way from the ground floor.

Or when their partner is 30 minutes late, it must have been because they needed to shower thoroughly to get rid of the sweat from the two colleagues the partner is having a threesome affair with.

If the thoughts alone weren’t enough, now torturous video clips will play in their minds where they vividly imagine the worst case scenarios play itself out, over, and over, and over again.

It can be annoying to recurrently hear these far-fetched worst case scenario theories from the INFJ and see them stress about it as if it all were plausible.

4. INFJs can be annoying, because of their perfectionism

INFJs tend to be perfectionistic, because they repeatedly set high standards for whatever they would like to achieve.

The INFJ’s perfectionism shows in the notion that despite their creativity, they are very reluctant to show anyone their artwork or project in its early stages of development, because they only want you to see it when it’s finished.

Or waiting on that ideal romantic partner that doesn’t seem to exist.

In spite of what many people would deem as great achievements, like acquiring a master’s degree from a prestigious university.

Or being a parent having a good work-life balance and healthy relationships with their children.

Or working through personal issues in therapy to have an improved quality of life in the long run.

INFJs could still be self-critical if they were in these scenarios, because they haven’t yet arrived at that ideal future dream of full autonomy, financial freedom, self-actualization and prosperity.

Why does everything have to be so ideal? Why isn’t normal good enough?

The self-critical perfectionism that INFJs display can be annoying to their close friends, because according to them the INFJ fails to see that things don’t need to be perfect before you can enjoy them.

Perfectionism downplays the intermediate milestones that were reached.

It can be very annoying to keep witnessing someone expecting the impossible from themselves and not be cognizant of what they currently did manage to achieve on their path to growth.

Or to witness them consistently pass on great opportunities for a romantic relationship with a great partner despite being lonely.

All for the pursuit of that perfect partner that seems to just be a figment of their own imagination.

5. INFJs can be annoying, because they tend to keep people at arms length

Despite their social charm and warm inviting presence when they decide to engage socially, INFJs can seem to have trust issues.

They have a reputation of being private, distant and careful about who they let into their lives.

Yes, you might have a nice fun evening with the INFJ at that mutual friend’s BBQ party in the park, joking and teasing like you were best friends.

But, chances are that after that fun evening it won’t progress any further.

Even if you run into the INFJ at another few social occasions.

Again, it might be a pleasurable evening, but it’s unlikely you’ll feel that initial bond you’ve created together has grown or deepened, unless by the off chance the INFJ really feels it and wants to form a new friendship.

INFJs tend to keep people at arms length for a myriad of reasons and it can be annoying for those on the receiving end.

Whether it’s a potential romantic partner, potential friend or new co-worker, frustration may ensue from their efforts to form a more intimate bond with the distant INFJ.

6. INFJs can be annoying, because of their stubbornness

INFJs are known for their independent thinking, deep need for frequent introspection and original creative thought.

Admirable and helpful traits, because in order for our societies to keep progressing we need people that are willing and capable of venturing into the deep end of the collective sea of thoughts to find some innovative treasure without succumbing to the pressure down there!

Unfortunately, independent thinking tends to go with some level of stubbornness.

This seems to be the case for INFJs as many find their stubbornness annoying!

Whether it’s the INFJ’s reluctance to sway from their precious daily routines without having a nervous breakdown.

Or their conviction that the mundane 9 to 5 work life is nothing but poison to the soul.

Photo by Timur Weber on Pexels 

Whatever it is they believe, they sure are devoted to it!

Now, in their defense, INFJs are also renowned for their open mindedness, but once they’ve made up their mind about something, it’s very hard for you to change their mind on the subject matter.

INFJs can be so stubborn, that they would like to feel they do everything themselves, including changing their own mind!

While it’s technically true that a person can only change their own mind, it wouldn’t hurt the INFJ to sometimes put their pride aside and try other people’s opinions on for size.

7. INFJs can be annoying, because of their INFJ superstition

The INFJ thinks: three people complimented me on my listening skills today.

That must be a sign that I should quit my current job as a Customer Due Diligence specialist at the local bank and enroll into psychology courses at a University to become a psychologist (which I wanted all along anyway).

Or as long as I keep a pleasant atmosphere for everybody, nobody will dislike or target me for bullying.

Or I’m being punished by life through these setbacks, because I haven’t been living up to my highest moral standards lately.

It can be annoying how INFJs try to uncover patterns and look for meaning in everything that happens to them.

Surely, that must drive them insane right?

Granted, that a lot of the time they do manage to find meaningful patterns.

But a lot of the time there’s just no significant meaning to be found in everyday situations.

Perhaps, the meaning in those situations was that there isn’t always a hidden meaning?

Ever considered that INFJ?

8. It’s annoying how INFJs are being worshiped online

Surf the internet for 10 minutes regarding Myers-Briggs personality typology and you’ll soon notice that the INFJ personality is one of, if not the most popular personality type.

Due to this personality type being one of the rarest and most paradoxical when it comes to the prevalence of their combination of traits, many soon became fascinated with this type.

The INFJ’s statistical rareness (1-2% prevalence in the general population) along with their peculiar personality trait makeup, made it so that many people now see them as special.

As a consequence, it seems the INFJ is now being worshiped like some sort of demigod, at least on the internet.

That extra attention and interest for the INFJ personality type also attracted a significant amount of people that are now pretending to be an INFJ to also get some of that mouth watering attention in the internet forums and social media.

Many INFJs find it extremely annoying to be regarded as holier than thou beings.

I’ve had a great number of INFJs message me about how they actually hate being an INFJ, because of the challenges it brings around fitting into society, dealing with their own tumultuous inner world and managing their heightened sensitivity.

It’s also extremely annoying that some individuals out there just try to ride the INFJ bandwagon for their share of clout!

It’s true that INFJs can have a lot of irritating traits.

Yet, that doesn’t mean INFJs don’t find them annoying either!

Because, at the end of the day, they are the ones living with them the most.



As a psychologist with a Master's degree in Clinical & Health Psychology, and as an INFJ male, highly sensitive human being, the author aims to blend the objective, subjective, mind, body and spirit for a holistic view on true well-being
for INFJs, Introverts, Highly Sensitive People and Empaths!



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