Why Do INFJs Get Ignored? (5 Surprising Reasons)
Sep 02, 2021
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Nobody likes being ignored, but everyone has to deal with it sometimes. Yet, it seems that certain personality types have to deal with it more often than is normal.
The INFJ might be one of those personality types that frequently get ignored. Let’s look into 5 reasons why that might be.
Why Do INFJS Get Ignored? (5 Surprising Reasons)
1. INFJs might get ignored, because they don’t play the social hierarchy game
It is a known fact that INFJs despise hierarchy. Especially, when it’s apparent within a work setting at a company they work for.
A company they work for, you ask? Aren’t INFJs iconoclasts striving for financial freedom to be creative and live life on their own terms?
Well.. YES, definitely, but the reality is this is a real challenge to achieve and in the meantime an INFJ has got to eat.
So, back to the office space where an INFJ might be working for some corporation (while setting up a side hustle). In those types of work environments you’ll often find that the company hierarchy has everyone in its grip.
Every employee might be trying to climb the corporate ladder by working extra hard, showing off their capabilities, establishing good relations with (or sucking up to) higher ups, while kicking down and so forth.
An INFJ is often aware of all that, but refuses to play along in the office politics, because it is against their values (read more in my article 5 Worst Jobs for Introverts).
It is not difficult to see that many times the workers at the bottom of the hierarchy get the worst working conditions, like having to do the most bothersome time consuming work for minimum wage. Sadly they risk also getting treated as lesser workers because of their so-called lower status.
Corporate hierarchy: the Circus of inhumane treatment
This line of thinking and treatment is blasphemous to the INFJ, because they believe everyone is a sovereign being deserving of respect unless proven otherwise.
They even think that the whole corporate structure is against basic human needs for autonomy, freedom, creativity, self-expression and meaningful work.
It is one thing to be working at a corporation out of necessity so you can pay your bills. However, it is another thing to also remove your spine and sell your soul while working there.
So you’ll notice that the INFJ will distance him or herself as unnoticeably as they can from all the office charades where everyone seems to be duking it out with each other for a higher position and a better salary.
INFJs distance themselves silently to not become a target of other co-workers who might start to think the INFJ is arrogant, choosing not to comply with everyday office theatrics.
When the co-workers who would throw anyone under the bus for a raise, find out that the INFJ is not playing along with the gossip spreading, mobster alliance forming activities, they’ll ignore the INFJ.
Because, the INFJ values integrity too much to let him or herself be used as a pawn in the social office drama chess game.
2. INFJs might get ignored, because they trigger existential discomfort in others
As you may know, INFJs are always metaphorically drilling to deeper layers of understanding when it comes to their topics of interest. Abstract, complex subjects which are very paradoxical or “grey” (instead of black vs. white) are the INFJs favorite kind of topics to indulge in.
Philosophy, psychology, sociology, spirituality, art, science. These are the things you can wake up an INFJ for in the middle of the night without question (probably because they’re still awake at that time anyway).
Their highly curious and strong associative minds really enjoy the vast amounts of terrain that can be traversed in the seemingly boundless space of these types of subject matters.
As beings with a holistic view and approach to life, INFJs indulge in their own interwoven constellation of concepts that seem to link philosophy, psychology, sociology, spirituality, art and sciences together.
Consciously or unconsciously this is the INFJ’s greatest dream and gift. To add their few unique strokes of paint to the eternal masterpiece painting called Life, in an attempt to make it slightly more high resolution to oneself and others.
Photo by John Diez on Pexels
Too Deep Too Soon
In reality however, not everyone is willing or able to discuss such complex matters. It seems that most people like to have clear cut closed end answers to questions.
Because an answer feigns understanding. One needs to be able to be comfortable that there perhaps isn’t a real answer that encompasses every aspect when dealing with complex subjects like philosophy.
Also one needs to be able to hold two contradicting thoughts when dealing with paradoxical topics. Something that can be very confusing and exhausting to most.
Also subjects like psychology and spirituality might trigger an existential fear or uncomfortable feeling in many people. The INFJ is very much equipped for handling such topics and frequently talks about these things, whether they are the brighter sides or darker sides.
Yet, despite their excitement about this they might get ignored a lot. Because most people aren’t that comfortable talking about these core shaking existential topics and would like to return home safe and sane from the cocktail party.
Read more about this INFJ problem in my article 5 Common INFJ Male Problems.
3. INFJs might get ignored, because they fade into the background
Introverts in general don’t really like to be the center of attention and INFJs are no different. What’s more is that as social chameleons INFJs go the extra mile to make sure there’s harmony within a group setting that they’re part of.
With high empathy and a strong focus on other people’s emotional well-being coming from their “Extraverted Feeling” function (“F” in INFJ), they allow a lot of space for others to, talk, be and express themselves. INFJs even foster this further by asking thoughtful deepening questions to those people.
This can be wonderful for those who are on the receiving end of all that attention. However, one of the INFJ’s pitfalls is going overboard with their focus on others. So much so that they completely forget about themselves.
They risk not allowing themselves some empathy and space to be and express themselves. The Extraverted Feeling Auto-pilot is a strong one, and it takes considerable amounts of awareness and practice to override it.
Photo by Cottonbro on Pexels
So in many cases INFJs get ignored, because they fade into the background while attending to everything and everyone’s emotional well-being in a group setting. Others might not even willingly ignore the INFJ.
Many people just get caught up in the warm emotional atmosphere the INFJ creates and just let go by telling everything about themselves and often forgetting to reciprocate.
Perhaps, because it has been a while that they felt someone was really listening to them and trying to understand them sincerely.
Yet, the INFJ risks getting its own needs ignored by others and by the INFJ itself by this tenacious tendency of fading into the background when in a group.
4. INFJs might get ignored, because others can’t figure them out
Mysterious or enigmatic.. Words of choice by many to describe the INFJ’s nature. Even for the MBTI trained eye it can be a challenge spotting an INFJ.
For the untrained eye, it is nearly impossible to spot one, let alone understand this personality type.
Paradoxical by being both rational and emotional, introverted yet often very charming, the INFJ can be a puzzle to many. As such this might leave people intrigued.
But in most cases, INFJs risk being ignored, because most people can’t figure the INFJ out. Not being able to label someone can make a lot of people uneasy during social interactions.
To them there are a few categories of people. Categories that are based on all the different types of people they’ve encountered in their lives.
To which category you belong, determines which types of behavior can be expected of you.
Due to the INFJ being one of the rarest personality types, most people haven’t encountered enough INFJs to even begin forming a mental category of where they would fall into.
In general people don’t like uncertainty and chances are high they’ll ignore people who they can’t label.
The INFJ understands this on a level and through striving for harmony in social relationships at almost any cause they might be very accommodating to others.
Yet, in the long run, people who are open minded and curious enough will only take the time to understand the alluring mystery of the INFJ.
5. INFJs might get ignored, because they have toxic people in their social circle
As empaths, INFJs have a high risk of attracting emotionally wounded people or toxic people into their lives. The seemingly unconditional attention of the INFJ is a perfect source for emotional sustenance to the emotionally wounded and toxic people.
When I say toxic, I’m talking about people who have an unhealthy tendency towards narcissism, emotional instability or (emotional) dependency. Due to their emotional wounds they have become severely in need of attention, self-medication or reliant on their own survival mechanisms.
They selfishly only take from the INFJ while the INFJ only gives. This way it becomes a very one-sided relationship wherein the INFJ’s needs are getting ignored.
Attracting toxic people is a huge pitfall for the INFJ. Especially, in their younger years when they tend to be more naive and have their hearts wide open without any discernment of who they should allow in.
Luckily, INFJs get wiser after they have experienced a few painful relationships, which makes them better at weeding out toxic individuals early on.
We discussed some reasons why INFJs get ignored in social settings and relationships. And surely there might be many more.
Can you think of any? In some cases they’ll get ignored by someone else, but many times they actually ignore themselves as well. Is it exclusively the INFJ who’s his or her own worst enemy sometimes?
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