How Do Introverts Get Into A Relationship? (5 Dating Guidelines For Introverted Men)

03 Oct, 2021

Introverts are people who prefer a calm, less stimulating environment to recharge and get energized by introspection.

Despite the need for frequent moments of solitude, introverts need love too!

Perhaps, within the space of a romantic relationship based on trust, the sensitive introvert truly gets to shine.

Yet, it might be challenging for introverts to enter a relationship, because social anxiety, and developing the right social and dating skills might be a huge obstacle.

As a remedy to these common issues of introverts in the dating sphere, I would like to propose some dating guidelines for introverted men that have helped me be successful in dating as an introvert.

I say introverted men, because as an INFJ male, that’s the perspective I’m coming from.

I will also recommend some resources that offer specific dating & relationship skills advice that have helped me tremendously.

By following these guidelines, hopefully your chances of getting to the gate of a romantic relationship will be increased. Curious? Then let’s dive in!

How Do Introverts Get Into A Relationship?

1. Introverts get into a relationship by developing dating and relationship skills

Yes, guys.. I’m afraid that there’s no way around it anymore..

You’ll have to get knowledgeable about social skills, dating & relationship skills and put them into practice out there.

How wonderful would it be if we lived in a world where our ideal potential partners would just magically show up at our doorsteps.

Last time I checked though, this still wasn’t a reality!

Granted, you might get approached by an attractive person at the supermarket, college campuses or bus stop every once in a while.

Indeed absolutely wonderful.

They’ve made the first move so you don’t have to feel that approach anxiety you as an introvert hate so much!

But, now that they are standing in front of you, what do you do?

Can you respond adequately to their advances?

Can you hold an interesting conversation on the spot?

Do you know how to lead that into inviting the other person on a date?

Probably many of us found out the hard way that perhaps the only thing more painful than crippling loneliness, is knowing that we’ve blown a great opportunity for romantic companionship, because we weren’t prepared!

I sure know that feeling!

Life has a tendency to bring only those very special people every few years into our lives.

Blowing such an opportunity will have you ruminating for years to come late at night in that cold Queen-size bed of yours, because you’ve let the Queen (or King) get away.

Something, I for sure never want to experience again. So what's the first step? Becoming prepared!

Learn Dating Skills: Coach Corey Wayne – How To Be A 3% Man

Get familiar with social skills and dating skills.

Practice them so much you’ll get more comfortable with relating to strangers in an unexpected setting.

Get to know and practice the ways in which you can turn interesting encounters and conversations into future dates.

How exactly, you ask? Don’t worry, I wouldn’t be writing this article without the proper recommendations.

For a detailed guide into dating & relationship skills check out Coach Corey Wayne’s Book: How To Be A 3% Man.

This book will give you a fundamental understanding about how romantic attraction works.

Useful practical tips about how to set dates as a man, what kind of dates are the best for building romance and how to naturally advance it over time to a relationship.

I’ve been applying the wisdom of this book successfully for 8 years now.

Coach Corey Wayne also has a Youtube channel with a vast library of video content that can help you get started.

Be sure to check that out and his website too (I’m not an affiliate of his by the way).

2. Introverts get into a relationship by staying true to their introverted self

Now that you are building useful dating & relationship skills from Coach Corey Wayne’s Book: How To be A 3% Man, it’s time to season them with your own unique spices.

By that I mean to stay true to your introverted self.

Do you like Dungeons & Dragons as an introvert? Then keep playing Dungeons & Dragons.

Do you still enjoy going on walks by yourself as an introvert? Then keep doing that too.

Yes, explore things outside of your comfort zone and stay learning, growing and experimenting with new things.

But, don’t try to be somebody else to impress others.

Because, pretending to be somebody else for approval of the people you are romantically interested in will inevitably set you up for failure in the long run.

You’ll be sending out the wrong image to the world and therefore attract the wrong people into your life to have a potential intimate long term romantic relationship with.

Furthermore, you’ll be wasting a lot of energy trying to be someone else.

It is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. Eventually, you’ll fatigue and cave in.

But, what’s even more important is that you won’t be using the most charming quality you have: your unique introversion. Because, that’s one of the core aspects of your personality.

Photo by Cole Keister on Pexels

Introversion is sexy

Don’t you want someone who thinks your Dungeons & Dragons hobby is cute, instead of ridiculous?

Or someone who’ll give you space to be on walks by yourself, instead of demanding constant joint activities?

Stop believing the societal lie that introversion isn’t attractive. It’s sexy!

Incorporate your quiet nature into flirting by flirting a lot non-verbally too. By holding cheeky eye-contact, and a cheeky smile when out in public.

And keep talking about those deeper subjects like philosophy when you find yourself at a party hanging back from the crowd enjoying yourself with whomever.

You want to attract an interesting, attractive and compatible person into your life.

However, that’s only possible if you own who you are, because how is somebody able to get to know the real you, if you keep hiding it?

Remember, some of the most introverted people were absolutely irresistible lovers.

For instance, the late great musician Prince. Do I need to say more?

His name speaks for itself. He was an absolute sex symbol, ladies' man, and he turned his quiet, soft-spoken nature into his charm during every public interview.

Own who you are and you’ll be the most attractive you can ever be!

3. Introverts get into a relationship by creating a life they’re truly proud of

Now that we are honing our dating skills and have the right mindset when it comes to owning our introversion, it is now time to think about our lives.

What kind of life would you like to create in this lifetime?

What are your wildest dreams and grandest goals?

What kind of life would you truly be proud of? Take some time to really think about these things.

Contemplate and introspect deeply and be the witness to your honest answers.

It is important to have a clear vision for your life for your own sense of direction.

As a bonus it will move you into the direction where you’ll encounter like minded people.

People who’ll resonate with your beautifully painted picture of the life you are moving towards.

When they resonate strongly, they might want to join you for a while on your trip in the form of a relationship.

Great minds think alike, and the positive emotions you feel when making progress towards your goals would make you feel happier, enthusiastic, driven and creative.

All in all it would make you more attractive.

You’ll be at the right places, activities, communities where like minded people dwell based on your vision for your life.

Which heightens your chance of finding that compatible romantic partner to be in a long term relationship with.

4. Introverts get into a relationship by gradually building trust

Trusting others is often a challenge for introverts.

Introverts want to be sure that others tread carefully when granted access inside the introvert’s innermost world of thoughts, feelings and perspectives.

Photo by Ba Tik on Pexels

Especially, when it comes to intimate romantic relationships, because this is perhaps the ultimate form of emotional vulnerability.

For more detailed examples, you can read my article 7 Essential INFJ Male Relationship Needs, where I cover the INFJ’s need for trust in a relationship.

Introverts really like to take their time getting to know someone before entering a romantic relationship.

By moving slowly they hope to gradually get answers to their questions.

What is this person like? What are their morals and values? Is this person good for me? Can I trust this person?

Now, people can easily portray a more favorable picture of themselves for a while.

We are all guilty of that and it is perhaps a normal part of dating.

I mean, why else would you take a shower before meeting your date? (Please, tell me you take showers though..) Or dress up extra nice?

By slowing things down, introverts also hope to get through that initial phase in dating where people are still portraying that most favorable image of themselves.

This way the introvert can see what the person they’re dating is truly like.

So, take your time dating someone. There’s no rush.

Really get to know them and make sure you truly can love the one you’re with.

5. Introverts get into a relationship utilizing online dating

We’ve talked about getting out there in the real world and practicing the recommended social skills and dating skills.

A great way for introverts to start “getting out there” is connecting with people online.

Via dating apps or dating websites, there’s less pressure for introverts to be socially fluid in the moment, compared to a face to face encounter.

With the help of detailed online profiles, we can easily filter out people with common interests and similar personality traits before talking to them.

Obviously, online dating apps are just tools, but they could help introverts get over that initial hump of approach anxiety.

In my opinion, online communication will never substitute face to face interaction.

So, still go out there in the real physical world and practice your dating skills as mentioned before.

But, it’s a great low threshold opportunity for the more socially anxious introverts to get started! Seize it!


We’ve discussed some general dating guidelines for introverted men to increase their success for finding a suitable relationship partner.

I’m curious if these guidelines and specific recommendations were of any help to you.

Please let me know what your findings are by sending me an email via the contact page.

May you find love in yourself and out there!



As a psychologist with a Master's degree in Clinical & Health Psychology, and as an INFJ male, highly sensitive human being, the author aims to blend the objective, subjective, mind, body and spirit for a holistic view on true well-being
for INFJs, Introverts, Highly Sensitive People and Empaths!



Curious about more transformative courses?

Explore the Wisdom page for more Enlightening resources!