Another 5 Common INFJ Male Problems

Oct 23, 2020

You might have read the first article about 5 Common INFJ Male Problems and thought: Wait.. That’s it? Well no, it isn’t.

Before we discuss some more, keep in mind that all the problems discussed in both articles aren’t all exclusive to INFJ males.

Other personality types or sexes could be facing the same problems.

However as a highly sensitive INFJ male myself, here's another take of mine on 5 common INFJ Male problems.

INFJ Male Problems (Another 5 Common Ones)

1. INFJ Men May Be Late Bloomers

We weren’t good at being young.

This is one of the ways how you could describe this problem. This isn’t to say we didn’t enjoy parts of our childhoods.

Yet, a lot of INFJs can probably relate to the notion of finding their groove in life rather later on in adulthood than during their late teens or even their twenties.

There is something about us that puts us out of sync with peers during that formative period of puberty.

Out of Sync

Is it the processing of all that change physically, internally and externally that weighs perhaps more heavily on us than others?

Is it our sensitivity that makes us more prone to avoiding risk and novel situations that other youngsters are naturally more drawn to?

Or is it that we just start the process of growing up in a different order?

Like developing INFJ teens possibly being more concerned with psychological and existential matters as opposed to the tangible and physical?

And later in life catching up on that more superficial stuff?

This could explain why INFJs can feel much older or younger than they are, given the certain age span and developmental stage they’re in.

In a sense it’s plausible that this is where our lonesome paths began.

In some ways we were always in a different place than our peers during those crucial stages of development.

Like we were always too early or too late to the “developmental” parties and missed what’s so important during those developmental phases which is being in sync with prominent people around us: our peers.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Too Serious Too Soon

For example, I remember clearly that I was concerned with the problems of adults around me and thinking about life itself as a child.

Granted, that my trauma most likely had forced me on that path (read more in my INFJ Male Bio series).

As this is often the case with traumatised children regardless of personality type.

I dove deep inwardly for years and was very serious, anxious and hesitant, while my peers were going out and experimented with everything.

I felt I missed out a lot on dating, partying and experimenting in my teens, so I caught up on those things starting in my early twenties.

Now that I was getting the hang of dating and going out in my mid to late twenties, a lot of friends were settling down.

It seems the seasons of our lives were passing at a different pace and order. How was this for you?

Is the INFJ development always out of sync with that of its peers?

2. INFJ Men May Have an Ambivalent Relationship With Money

When it comes to handling money, it really depends on how we perceive money at a given moment.

It seems like we can be great with saving up money.

Using our “Judging” function to create elaborate money saving models and enjoying its never ending optimisation.

This could be aimed at a specific short term financial goal or a long-term financial goal.

With diligence we work towards them, sometimes even appearing frugal.

Money Doesn’t Mean A Thing

But then, all of a sudden we might sway the other way around completely.

We spend the money on the goals we had set up, or just randomly, we let it all slip away.

When it comes to warmth, affection and empathy, the INFJ personality is very generous.

In general people with INFJ personality traits seem to be very giving at heart.

As such we don’t mind treating friends on dinners or going all out on getting an expensive birthday present for a loved one.

Deep down we know we need money to have a life.

Yet, we absolutely detest being in the grips of the pursuit of money and appearing frugal or greedy.

Our morals will not stand for it.

Is this one of the possible explanations why we can save up money and then spend almost all on a creative endeavour or cause we believe in without worrying about it?

Photo by JP Valery on Unsplash

But.. Money Could Mean Freedom

We might pride ourselves on this ability to detach from money.

Chances are though, that after such a cycle of volatile money spending we come to realise that financial freedom is the key to the door of the ultimate INFJ dream.

Freedom. Freedom to create.

Freedom to spend one’s time as pleased. Freedom to be, whenever, wherever, with whomever.

Our nonchalant money spending sprees now function as a poignant reminder of how we could have used it instead to reach that ultimate goal faster.

A tiny existential crisis ensues.. once again..

3. INFJ Men May Have a Strong Sense of Responsibility

He is probably ignoring me because I didn’t greet him yet (although he never greets me).

She is probably sad, because I didn’t mention her new haircut (even though I like it, but didn’t want to compliment her during the group meeting, because I could tell she was still a little self-conscious about it and didn’t want to direct attention of the whole group to her haircut all at once so she would get embarrassed).

I applied myself so hard at work that there isn’t any work left, but now I feel guilty that I don’t have much to do. Yes, do you see?

1000 Pound Thoughts

By 1000 pounds I mean that it’s literally weighing us down.

Our INFJ minds are so creative that they can take any situation and make us responsible for whatever negative result.

We almost feel responsible for the weather, because if we had better karma, it wouldn’t have rained today.

What is it about us that seemingly takes on this martyrdom by default?

Photo by Jacob Walti on Unsplash

Toxic Shame

The more extreme dark side of this pattern is feeling that our mere presence upsets and disgusts the people around us.

This is called Toxic Shame. You’ve probably read it on this blog before.

I mention it a lot, because it is an absolute devastating psychological and physical/emotional condition that many INFJs and other introverts likely suffer from.

Due to our habit of internalising problems, like becoming angry at oneself when things go wrong.

Read more about Toxic Shame and its origins in the INFJ Male Bio series.

It is important to raise awareness about this condition, because it is a deeply unconscious pattern.

As such you might not realise to what extent you are living with this soul consuming shame.

Responsibility is undoubtedly a virtue, but it’s a double edged sword.

It’s simultaneously one of the INFJ weaknesses, because we can feel extreme guilt or shame when we fail to carry it even in the slightest.

When you feel responsible for other people’s feelings is when you’re lost. Let me ask you this..

When you look at your birth certificate, does it say Atlas?

Get help for toxic shame. Click here to book an Online Therapy session and get a special 20% discount the first month!

4. INFJ Men May Be Picky When It Comes To Choosing a Relationship Partner

Even though the male INFJ is often a late bloomer, when we do bloom it can be truly beautiful.

Dating skills is perhaps something we do have to work harder on in the beginning.

However, a developed INFJ man who is living authentically is a romantic at heart and can be enormously charming (read more in 7 Essential INFJ Male Relationship Needs).

Romantic Hearts

Our empathy, curiosity, generosity and enigmatic demeanour are prominent characteristics that set us apart from a lot of men.

When embracing our consciously developing personality and spirit, we can be intensely attractive and highly sought after when encountering women (or other sexes).

Wow, so what’s the problem after all that self hype you say?

I know that was probably a little too much brag about ourselves.

In our defence, this is something me and my other INFJ male friend got as feedback a lot from other women (after years of stumbling and failing of course).

As the romantics we are, we couldn’t stop talking about attraction, romance and this polarity between men and women.

Photo by Pablo Merchan-Montes on Unsplash

Picky Hearts

So these qualities of the INFJ potentially make them successful in dating.

On the flip side, this also makes us one of the pickiest when it comes to choosing a relationship partner, because of the choice it brings.

Yes, our delicate needs for solitude, creativity, freedom demand such a careful pick of a partner as the wrong choice can truly be disastrous for our state of being.

However, there is more to it than that.

We value integrity and are serious about our values and commitments.

It is known that an INFJ commitment is with the intent of it being lifelong.

This is the case for our dreams, life goals, family, friendships and a romantic relationship is no different.

Therefore we really have to FEEL that it’s the right choice, but that takes time.

Being with ourselves can be tough enough.

Let alone sharing that intimate space with another soul potentially for life. Soulmates or cellmates. Choose wisely..

5. INFJ Men May Have an Inner World that is Too Idiosyncratic

Random existential fever dream mind haze.

That is one way to describe our INFJ minds. We might seem calm from the outside, but inside there is a lot going on.

All the time.. This is a daily struggle for us, due to our minds seeming inability to stop.

Our Inferior Cognitive Function: Extraverted Sensing

This links back into our inferior cognitive function ‘Extraverted Sensing’.

Personalities that have a strongly developed Extraverted Sensing function live in the present moment.

They are attuned with their senses and firmly rooted in the tangible, observable details of their surroundings.

On the contrary, we INFJs are constantly absorbed by our inner world.

Which feels like being dragged along on an untamed horse through our minds’ rendition of the Alice in Wonderland Universe.

This is why we seem to be dreaming while awake.

Sure, a lot of other personalities might say that this is part of the INFJ personality and its beauty.

The rich inner world of the proverbial artist. Exuberant, enigmatic and full of creative potential just waiting to be manifested.

Photo by Mwangi Gatheca on Unsplash

Idiosyncratic Mess

However, 80% of that ‘inner creative genius’ actually just feels like an idiosyncratic mess.

Thoughts and mental images that are so random and incoherent, they seem to be of no use.

Rarest personality? Yes. Mysterious personality? Yes. Complex personality? Yes, yes, yes.

But often I have a hard time figuring out what the exact purpose is of what makes our personality so ‘special’.

Is it mostly just an arbitrary mental byproduct? And how to transform that pragmatically into a sustaining career?

That would be extremely helpful since we reside in that dream state ALL DAY.

You can imagine that shifting through all those mental projections constantly is hard if we can’t channel it in some way.

That’s why we love art, writing and creativity, because we feel it comes closest to the mess inside.

This way we can manage it.

But imagine to sit with such a mind in some dull desk job with no real outlet for that quiet raving storm inside. Unbearable..

Conclusion

Those were another 5 common INFJ male problems.

Some of the challenges resurface every now and then. Others are a daily hassle.

By no means am I saying this applies to all of us. Nor am I saying it doesn’t apply to other personality types.

What challenges you when it comes to your specific personality type?

Food For Thought

1. What are typical INFJ Male problems in your experience?

2. What are typical problems for Females with this personality?

3. What are typical problems for this personality?

What is your personality type? Take the MBTI test!

INFJ Male

As a psychologist with a Master's degree in Clinical & Health Psychology, and as an INFJ male, highly sensitive human being, the author aims to blend the objective, subjective, mind, body and spirit for a holistic view on true well-being
for INFJs, Introverts, Highly Sensitive People and Empaths!

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